I know how scared and anxious I was about this three-day hut-trip, and how I was so nervous about teaching alongside T, but it went better than expected. However, no matter how well it went I just couldn’t seem to shake the anxiety I had all throughout the trip. I kept questioning myself: Am I not teaching enough? Why am I walking so slowly? Is this program really right for me?
I don’t have answers to all of the questions yet, but I do seem to have an answer to most now.
Our trip started when T and I reunited with our group of high-schoolers who decided to name themselves group “210”. They were incredibly amazing and I still don’t think I’ll ever have a group as fun and enthusiastic as they were.
In the morning we were shuttled over to the road that leads into the Hale Brook Trail. It was about a 2 mile hike to get to the trail-head. Once we reached the trail head it was all uphill from there. One of our group’s goals was to look good hiking, and while I was certainly at my ugliest with the sweating and the panting, I can certainly say I’ll be looking my best come this summer. The grueling uphill seemed to last forever and then started to get into switchbacks! I tried to count each one out and remember how many were on the trail-head map but I forgot through the pain in my muscles as I climbed ever so slowly onward and upwards.
We reached the summit, which had no view, and I almost started crying with happiness because I had summited my first ever 4,000 footer! I conquered Mt. Hale and it only took me what seemed like forever and a while. And, all the while, I questioned myself and had scenarios in my head in which I would try to convince the boss about not having me lead a hut trip for a long time because I’m not fit enough.
After the summit, we started out onto the Lend-a-Hand Trail to Zealand Hut. It was so easy compared to Hale Brook because it was all downhill. I felt so much faster on my snowshoes and this trail went by quickly. I cannot even begin to fathom how I could describe my relief and joy when I saw the hut through the trees. We made it!
Spending overnight in the hut was fun even though I didn’t get much sleep at all. I was scared of falling down the stairs in case I needed to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. I didn’t fall at all because of the awesome headlamp I have that lit the way in a bright red light.
We all woke up in the morning and ate a quick breakfast that consisted of a bagel and cream cheese. We left on Zealand trail in order to not get as soaked and to make it back to the bus on time.
On this trail T and I did a solo-hike with the group and they all loved it. This made snowshoeing the trial so much easier and faster because I got to meditate on my own for a little bit and calm myself down. We were almost to the end.
We got to the bus on time and drove back to the Highland Center where we de-issued gear and had a quick lunch. The school left and I felt a sense of accomplishment because the kids thanked me and said that I would be a great instructor.
I think sometimes that I am still un-prepared to teach on my own even though I had a great mentor to shadow. And I do still think I may not be as fit as I need to be in order to carry a pack with teaching supplies and everything else I may need, but I did complete this journey. And that’s all that matters.
